The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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