I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
