My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was not drunk enough for that final.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
