i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
