Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
