I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
