I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
