I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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