he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
How's work?
Spinning.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
