I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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