where am i from again
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
