I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
