you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
