i will never coherently bang her
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize