just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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