help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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