"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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