does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
