i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Randomize
