Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
