Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
