The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
