I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
