Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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