? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
