If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
