Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize