i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
