they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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