Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
