I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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