saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
