so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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