Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
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Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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