I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
