Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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