You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.