Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
What a dumb baby whore.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he had hair everywhere except his balls