Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

Getting food. Want anything?

(1-949): View more from California

Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce

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(949): Getting food. Want anything? (1-949): Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce http://tfl.nu/xicu

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(913): View more from Kansas

Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.

(1-913): View more from Kansas

You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.

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(913): Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy. (1-913): You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you. http://tfl.nu/j71x

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(952): View more from Minnesota

He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.

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(952): He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened. http://tfl.nu/wacr

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(847): View more from Illinois

Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.

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(847): Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot. http://tfl.nu/nyh6

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(203): View more from Connecticut

my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER

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(203): my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER http://tfl.nu/olos

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(540): View more from Virginia

all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes

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(540): all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes http://tfl.nu/yixn

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(408): View more from California

i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.

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(408): i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person. http://tfl.nu/pbus

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I take back everything I said about communal showers

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(865): I take back everything I said about communal showers http://tfl.nu/iybg

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(856): View more from New Jersey

dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge

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(856): dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge http://tfl.nu/cto3

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(813): View more from Florida

obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.

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(813): obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary. http://tfl.nu/eqex

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(720): View more from Colorado

I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.

(1-720): View more from Colorado

You sound pretty unsure about all of this.

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(720): I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses. (1-720): You sound pretty unsure about all of this. http://tfl.nu/jh6b

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(818): View more from California

I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.

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(818): I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job. http://tfl.nu/0hbs

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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.

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(970): I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed. http://tfl.nu/hmgx

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(843): View more from South Carolina

They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?

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(843): They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER? http://tfl.nu/zyzi

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(616): View more from Michigan

dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die

(1-616): View more from Michigan

that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida

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(616): dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die (1-616): that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida http://tfl.nu/3jsk

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