What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed