Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
