We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
