i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Holy shit dude........stairs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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