She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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