This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
