So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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