My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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