i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
