I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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