Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
