Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
