I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Couch. On fire.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
