Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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