You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
