No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
