drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
