I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
