Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
