She went from zero to smokin in five shots
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
