there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
