So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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