if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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