I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
