I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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