doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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