K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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