one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
