Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
