listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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