youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
