True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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