I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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