I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
