Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
