True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
